16streets Community

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

16streets.com bringing you the report now for over a decade!

Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Stages of Hangovers  (Read 1576 times)

Jun

  • Guest
Stages of Hangovers
« on: February 29, 2008, 01:05:49 AM »

  Stages of hangovers



One Star Hangover (*) 
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a 
steak & fries. 
 
Two Star Hangover (**) 
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. 
 
Three Star Hangover (***) 
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke 
--- yet you haven't pee'd once. 
 
Four Star Hangover (****) 
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. 
 
Five Star Hangover (*****) 
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of 
alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now... 
 
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: 
Indubitably 
Innovative 
Preliminary 
Proliferation 
Cinnamon 
 
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: 
Specificity 
British Constitution 
Passive-aggressive disorder 
Loquacious Transubstantiate 
 
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: 
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex 
Nope, no more booze for me 
Sorry, but you're not really my type 
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight 
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing



Logged

echo

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2266
  • Da Haole Sistah
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #1 on: February 29, 2008, 07:10:22 AM »

...where the heck have you been!?!?!  How ya doin?  Welcome back!   :)
Logged

Jun

  • Guest
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #2 on: February 29, 2008, 04:26:53 PM »

I've been home. And at the doctors and at the VA Clinic and The Court House and stuff.

 I am getting better but still a bit weakish.

 Found out why I gained weight. I'm not fat, I have fibroid tumors. What a relief !!!

 I'll call ya soon.

Miss you bunches and everyone too!!!
Logged

thill25

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2258
  • Get in the car, Junior.
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #3 on: February 29, 2008, 05:34:51 PM »

NJ is a constant 2.5...
Logged

LHL

  • ...aka Dallas Ferry
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2882
  • They call me Dallas.
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2008, 11:50:05 AM »

I was a 4 after the last time I went out with BR..........
Logged

big rick

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 9782
  • I can surf, see?? like a kook www.rmdstudios.org
    • RM design studios coming to a recycle bin on your PC or Mac. I can't wait :D
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2008, 05:40:01 PM »

AHHHH HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

hop SLAM
Logged

nuttjelly

  • Lizard Lover
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10305
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2008, 08:35:02 PM »

butt pirates
Logged

jt

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11698
  • :-)
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2008, 09:43:06 PM »

  THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: 
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex 
Nope, no more booze for me 
Sorry, but you're not really my type 
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight 
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

...drunk, or under the influence of ecstacy (drugs are bad kids, honestly)

hope alls well jun...
pz
JT
Logged

RoosterJaws

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 9339
Re: Stages of Hangovers
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2008, 05:20:11 PM »

Im usually workin with a 2.5 on a good day  :fishy:
Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up