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Author Topic: feeling bummed  (Read 292 times)

big rick

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feeling bummed
« on: September 26, 2016, 11:55:43 AM »

hey guys
i don't know what happened to me this weekend
but i'm just not happy....
I had myself a grand old time surfing, hanging out with a lot of
amazing friends, grilling out, and having a damn good time.

but some time between leaving 13th street and dropping my friend
off at wakulla at his car, maybe after that, i end up depressed

i don't know why and i can't explain what is going through my head
because it just feels like nothing is there

i've lost my appetite, just feeling sad, and have no desire to smoke weed

i know that sounds weird but i enjoy a good smoke once a day, maybe
twice, and i just relax and watch TV, swim, or something along those lines
but i have no desire....

i feel like my blood is boiling at times, i feel afraid, cold, alone, sad, and
i don't know why.

i cried last night, a lot this morning, and i'm just wanting to be alone.

something about saturday and sunday with my surfing that just flat out
sucked that seems to be affecting me too.... cause i think, i'm out there
when i can get out, i miss a lot of swells, i miss the beach.

i miss being in the sun whenever i can, i miss my mom, i miss living at
her house and helping her out. i miss my dog, i miss so much

i'm surrounded by amazing people every day but i feel so alone

i'm sorry for being sad
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big rick

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2016, 12:35:30 PM »

I just needed to vent to someone
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9AMdp

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2016, 01:27:42 PM »

Probably just PMS,
you'll feel better in couple days...

KIDDING!  ONLY KIDDING BR!!!!

(ya really don't want somebody that size mad at you)

Seriously tho, the world is a pretty nice place.
Get out there, you'll feel better for it. 
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Chappy Jennings Army

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2016, 06:11:55 AM »

Years ago, like us all, I went through a lot of troubles. Almost dying from meningitis surely did not help me. When I entered my new stage, things were once again extremely rosy.

Then came the demise of my job, friends and father passing away, and then going into years of one issue after the next. The financial ones hurt. It hurts because you go without and then you see a big tree fall across your path to freedom. You miss your life and days come when you just have to sit it out at home because you have around 9 dollars left in the bank and you would rather start the next week with a positive number. These days turn into months of missing surfing and seeing people. And riding a yellowed board that barely works.

What hurts more is your friends. Friends that you gave to and friends that always spoke about helping you. Friends that you came to their wedding and participated in. Then when I started a Gofundme account to help get my wife to come to the U.S. and made it in lieu of wedding gifts; few of your close friends participated and the amount collected was hardly anything. Some did not even give me a card. I have not seen my wife in person in close to a year now and we are coming up on our first wedding anniversary.  Then having friends not help when I was stranded after my car engine blew and I had to stay in my employees homes was tough to take too. In a year I have spent over 2 grand getting my car repaired. Which has thrown off my other finances. I could write for paragraphs about my issues but I think this gets the point across.

Guess what? I am missing more swells. I will miss more. I am about to drive out to the beach and work with some friends as they call themselves that have stabbed me in the back more than a few times and I will not surf today.

Do I sound bitter?? Well, I am not. I believe that I have potential and as long as I work at things and not lay down and die; then I have the opportunity for a change. I have people searching for a new endeavor for me. I still have my one business idea in my back pocket that I can not get to due to my finances but there is always hope. And when something changes, I will just move on from my so called friends. They really do not care about me in a real sense so they deserve a great life...without me in it. I still have the others who have helped and think about me and my wife.

So hang in there buddy. Maybe you can not go back to how things were before exactly but you can work to change things for something that makes you feel happier and aligns with your values.

« Last Edit: September 27, 2016, 06:32:56 AM by steve »
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Chappy Jennings Army

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2016, 06:41:45 AM »

One last thing Mr. Rick,

From one person with troubles to another...

When I saw you outside Catalyst with my son, I was extremely happy to see you. You are a good person and you have a positive spirit. People like you Rick, even if they poke fun at you. Just remember that. Good will come to you.
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9AMdp

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2016, 12:07:35 PM »

^Especially when we poke fun at you.  8)
 grouphug
 :smack:
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big rick

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2016, 11:54:08 AM »

i'll let you guys poke fun at me all the time

i'm going through PTSD
i keep envisioning myself getting shot in the leg again
my time when i cracked my skull
a few other things

i love my life and love those around me too
but this darkness comes from no where and
it scares the fucking hell out of me.

i've been taking st johns wort since yesterday and it REALLY helps me out a lot
i just can't drink beer on it right now and that sucks

i'm going to see a doctor tomorrow and i'm going to contact my
insurance company to see what i can do about talking to a
psychologist and whatnot.

i appreciate you guys being here for me
it means more than you think
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slopsurfer

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2016, 09:25:02 AM »

i've suffered from depression off and on for years. The breakdown of my first marriage rocked me hard and left its scars. Trauma does that, take time to heal.
You did a great thing by bringing it out in the open, depression loves to be hidden and for you to feel shame.
On a practial note, i'd suggest laying off the weed and the beer while feeling like this, if you can try and get your endorphines up by excercise.  These small changes helped me loads.
Praying for ya buddy

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Chappy Jennings Army

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2016, 10:39:20 AM »

I can only relate this to my friend who was also shot. I saw him just go berserk one day after a kid pointed a toy gun at him. This was before he had therapy. So I am glad you recognizing that something is wrong and are actively working to address it. 
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big rick

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #9 on: September 30, 2016, 09:23:00 AM »

because i see so many news articles or hear stories
about people not addressing their mental issues, i
take notice of my own problems and i try to address
them because, why not?

i had A beer last night
i have to have a beer today because i'm doing a tasting
but i'm not going into the tasting the same way that i
always do which is having a smoke, several beers prior,
and just doing the lagunitas lifestyle as usual

i'm just laying off beer and the medicinal in general
because i want my body and mind to chill out a bit
before i try to live my normal lifestyle.

and with that being said, i'm going to bed early and waking
up at my normal time to go into work.

also, gonna see a psych for a bit to talk about what is on
my mind.... definitely my reoccurring thoughts of being
shot, some of the other physical trauma that i've endured,
and anything else that's probably going to just spill out
that i might not realize that i'm harvesting inside

and let me say this, i thank you for all of your support and
wisdom. we've been at this a long time here on the streets
and even though i don't get to see you guys a lot, i consider
you all to be family.

have a good day everyone
it's beautiful outside
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RoosterJaws

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #10 on: September 30, 2016, 05:18:32 PM »

Hang in there big guy. You have a zillion friends here for you.
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nuttjelly

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2016, 03:32:21 PM »

Get it together son!! You were living in mom's basement shaping lopsided surfboards wishing you had a fun job.  Now you work for a national craft brewery.  You don't need a shrink you need a swift kick in the dick!! Hang in there player.
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big rick

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2016, 10:12:01 AM »

Get it together son!! You were living in mom's basement
shaping lopsided surfboards wishing you had a fun job. 
Now you work for a national craft brewery.  You don't need
a shrink you need a swift kick in the dick!! Hang in there player.

duly noted

lets add some gas to the fire
i was almost killed in a car accident yesterday behind florida hospital
if it wasn't for my truck hitting a median, i would have been ran over
and killed by a box truck that was coming right at my truck when i
completed my 180 spin out.

i need my vacation to come sooner than later
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Chappy Jennings Army

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2016, 01:09:04 PM »

Me too of course!

Now we have this storm and I am freaking about my house because I am broke!!! Someone asked if I withdrew money from the atm today and I just laughed.

BUT!!

As worried as I am for my house...I am more concerned with all of you and my countless other friends beachside. Really concerned. Because I have read that some of you are riding this one out. BE SAFE!!
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RoosterJaws

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Re: feeling bummed
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2016, 01:29:20 PM »

Get it together son!! You were living in mom's basement
shaping lopsided surfboards wishing you had a fun job. 
Now you work for a national craft brewery.  You don't need
a shrink you need a swift kick in the dick!! Hang in there player.

duly noted

lets add some gas to the fire
i was almost killed in a car accident yesterday behind florida hospital
if it wasn't for my truck hitting a median, i would have been ran over
and killed by a box truck that was coming right at my truck when i
completed my 180 spin out.


i need my vacation to come sooner than later

You're alive!! Could be worse..
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